in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
