I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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