I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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