apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
