woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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