Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you never un-have a 4some
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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