He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
