We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
