I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
