no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
