Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
