if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
