We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
