her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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