Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
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Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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