She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
not ubering you a puppy
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
