Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
