i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
high people should be assigned attendants
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
