my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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