he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
