The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize