***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
