He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
