I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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