dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
