then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
