My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
