"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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