Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
