I just saw a hot homeless man
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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