considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
