ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
