Jerry, you need to find god
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
