WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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