What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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