Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
