New low: just hacked my moms facebook
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
