thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't notice because vodka
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
