Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.