this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
You came to the right person.