how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea