This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
