i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
