My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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