Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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