I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
