1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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