Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
