I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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