His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
