dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
