Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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