i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
