We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
