apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
