I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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