I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
